Winter Initiation

Gifts of Ice and Snow

Frozen as lethargy in my body, fear
	Solid ice on trees and bushes	
		Molding sculptures on soft leaf loaded branches.

Generator off, darkness surrounds
	Networks of connection stymied 	
		No transmittals of compassion, sharing, caring.

Only way out is through steady focus
	Oil generator, electrical priorities, ask others to help		
		Pay attention, fix, learn, repair, and rest.

Elation when ice storm abates 
	Strong men cut downed trees, repair electric lines
		Learn and prepare for next time.

How do people live closer to the Earth without
	Electricity, water pumps, propane heaters, refrigerators?
		Reawaken ancient resilient tenacious power.

The past week was a Winter Initiation for this formerly urban woman living up in the Blue Ridge mountains. An opportunity to choose courage, trust, and be willing to learn new skills.

As the frozen ice encased the trees, roads, and earth around me, I could have easily fallen prey to my own fears, insecurities, and doubts, freezing into inaction.

Instead, I reached out for help; I asked people I do not know well at all for assistance. I received help from friends of friends I had never met before. When I hit a barrier, a question remained unanswered, a problem unsolved, I did not quit. I paused, and began again, asking, reaching, reading, widening my outreach.

When fear or worry began to encroach upon my thoughts, I said no! to that and kept on keeping on. And when the dark nights came with no electricity, I breathed in the silence, knowing it was time for me to pause. The earth herself was demanding that of me.

I began an internal gratitude practice, giving thanks for the gifts present like the propane fireplace keeping me warm. Or the doggy resting his head on my feet, keeping them warm.

In the morning, in very cold temperatures, I courageously went outside in the dark, boiling water for my coffee on the gas grill, then gratefully sipping the coffee in the dark as the sun began to tease with tender light whispering on the horizon.

Trees were falling, snapping, crashing to the ground. Power lines required repair. Courageous linemen from out of town, came to assist us. I can’t help wondering how their families were doing without them.

Then, two days of power. Time to take what I had learned and improve my odds for the snow storm that was bellowing in our direction. I built a ‘roof’ over my generator so that it would not freeze up from the snowfall, made sure the oil was fresh for the engine, charged the battery to begin a new cycle of preparedness. I stocked up on non-perishable foods, cooked a quiche, washed clothes, took a long shower, even put on make-up.

Then the snow began falling. About 7 inches, which, here in Georgia, is a pretty heavy blanket. I awoke to the beauty of millions and millions of unique one-of-a-kind snowflakes, reminding me of our own humanity, each soul unique, yet made of the same elements.

I could so easily have slipped back into anxiousness-will the power go out? How will my private road get cleared? How long will it be before I can drive down my steep snowy driveway? How will I get to important appointments next week?

But I reminded myself that I always have a choice. I can fall into lethargy or I can find something to inspire me, bring joy to me, awaken my imagination. I can choose gratitude.

This Winter Initiation proved to be a gift, reminding me of my choice in every situation, in every moment. Even when I am slipping into the lethargy of grief or a feeling of deep aloneness. While sitting in complete darkness, I can choose to remember how my doggie rested his head on my feet to keep me warm.

Contemplation

Take a bit of time to remember a difficult moment in your life, when things were ‘not going your way’ and you felt you had little ‘control’ over the outcome. Journal about that experience.

After writing what happened, go back through the story, with the view that it was an ‘initiation’ rather than a ‘problem’ or ‘challenge’. What might the experience have been teaching you? Were there any tangential gifts along the way? How does changing the context to an ‘initiation’, impact your emotional response to the event?