There is no Word©

A Mother's Day Poem

Years gone by, special day, coffee in bed
Son cuddles, hugging no end
Tickling laughing warm brew toppling
Love forever promising.

Language for loss of Orphan, Widow
Not for Mom without kiddo
Child going first 
Feels like a curse

People often say, there is no word
Even talking disturbs
Unutterable loss 
Recycles dark thoughts

Silently try 
Withholding the cry
Joining family and friends
Holding breath ‘till it ends

Self-care a must
Don’t want to be dust
Potting a flower
Awaken love power

Arise with the sun
Renewal begun
Plant Sweet Birch
Possible rebirth

Blessing of Starlight 
Pour down at night
Dreams of reunion
Holy communion

Mother’s Day looms
Heavy with gloom
Long silence, no laughter
Only trust in hereafter

When a child loses parents, they are called an orphan.  When a man or woman loses a spouse, they are a Widow or Widower.  But if a parent loses a child, there is no word in the English language for that.  Wow.

An experience so wrenching that we collectively deny it by not naming it.  So it is not surprising that those of us who have lost a child, may feel ‘unseen’.  And this cultural evasion can result in the grieving parent further avoiding visibility, isolating, and feeling very alone.

With Mother’s Day coming up and Father’s Day a month later, I’d like to ask that we all pray for parents who are grieving the loss of a child.  And, please consider that simple gestures of remembrance can be so uplifting to a grieving parent, erasing some of the isolating feelings.

It’s interesting, on Mother’s Day, people are much more open about remembering the loss of their mothers.  There are many conversations about missing our mother’s.  But living mothers, who have lost a child are much less likely to speak up.  Since Mother’s Day gifting would traditionally come from the child to the Mom, there is a huge absence, a huge hole, on this special day.  Yet, the gift of being a mother is still as strong as ever- maybe even more so- as the loss magnifies the love.

So, please do reach out to Moms you know who are grieving.  And do the same for the Dad’s in June.

Contemplation

For grieving mothers, my encouragement is to practice deep self-care.  If that means, journaling, meditation, yoga, etc., go for it.  If it is eating decadent sweets, bless yourself.  You are a mother; always a mother.  And Mother’s Day is your day.  Honor your open broken heart and reach out for help if you need it.

For everyone else, please hold grieving mothers in your hearts and include them in your prayers.  Invite them to join you in festivities, but honor their ‘no thank you’, if that is their answer.